It hung from my finger tips ….

Wondering is often a curse of the human mind. Though it’s always good to be curious …..sometimes it’s a unwelcomed companion. Wouldn’t you agree? As with wondering comes worrying, over analysing and using words like ‘if’. In hindsight witch is a disease in which we are all at some point struck with, it is then that wondering ‘if’ we done something different would we have won. Or have no regrets. All of this is pointless conversation if the multiplication of people is not included. Our biggest influence of our thoughts, actions, regrets and emotions. People. That’s who we can thank. Good or bad, whether they acted in your best interest or theirs their affect on you will last a lifetime. I have this one person whom I hold nothing but pity for. Only one person. I hold no pity for any other soul, but theirs. Why? This is a good question to ask. Why?. Because they are unworthy of any other emotion bestowed upon them. And to feed them with any more only gives them what they lost to me. Power. They taught me alot, about what people can do, how they can falsely act, how they can manipulate and still loose. When they reveal themselves as nothing more than a cardboard cut out of nothing but a pleasing image to some people’s eye. But a level of such disgust in those people whom they have actually ‘shown’ their real selves too. A complete contridiction of their own words. Yet are so blind they cannot even retrace their steps. How conceited can a human being be? Well you are the definition of the word. And a illusion of your own ego. And I do not bid you ill will. You lost a long time ago, and it was your failure. I gave you truth ….. always. You repaid me by giving me lies and you lost everything you had in this country. So much so you had to fly in your back up from another country. Your laughable the games you still try to play, I think it somewhat helpful to know how much of a affect on you I and he have had. As to this present day you still find time in your life and mind to ‘try’ and play.  You know so little now, just like you did back then, you are over estimating yourself yet again and underestimating the situation and the people in it. When the situation could cost you what little dignity you have left to hold onto and the person you do so dearly. Knowing that it could be taken away from you in a few simple steps gives us the upper hand and your fighting a war you will yet again loose. If you ask why we have not done this already I will give you the truth as I have before. Because my dear it’s actually fun to see you try so hard, embarrass yourself some more.  And show how much you still care even though you proclaim not too. However what we see the most is how bitter and hurt and fucking annoyed you still are at a game you started and lost at.

I think you need to understand a few things … but I feel these words will fall on deaf conceited ears and blind eyes. You are only as important as you imagine yourself to be. Another thing is I knew him the evil him and the beautiful. ….
I knew the truth and seen through the lies. But now you are no more, the affect you had on him as like a trail of smoke… dispurst.  He is not the person you know. And it must kill you to say you never really knew him. Unlike me. I have been able to trust him 100% something I never ever thought I would of ever even imagined contemplating. So much so whatever you put I don’t even question him I just smile at you and thank god you are no where near him. As he is truly a beautiful thoughtful and loyal boyfriend when he’s not being fucked around. Every now ans then you will get mentioned and when you do its such a shame but he has nothing nice to say of you. Now he knows you. But I have heard this is the same from alot of your exes. Which says more about you than it does them. You know that suspicious thing he use to have with his phone …… its evaporated. I will use his phone like I would my own…. which at first was weird soooooo fucking weird ….. but so many of the complexes I had have gone. I have had all his passwords and not a hint of anything ……. at first this was uncomprehendable but now it’s become normal. There’s no games. ….. there’s a sense of peace that I only once dreamed of. We never argue…… We have no cause. We have finally realised what and who each other truly is. And we couldn’t be more thankful. Me and him have had two and a half years of shit. But now we have our honeymoon period and it’s amazing. You really lost out, truly. When you went away and fucked him over. As he said things were never the same. And I mean this with the most sincere of intentions you lost a amazing boyfriend, friend, and overall good person from your life. In a way I wish you could really believe me, but I doubt you will, your pride won’t let you. And you still have the mind set of playing games. And I’m not playing, im not saying this to make you jealousy or make you sad or angry im saying this as you need to realise what you done. I know everything even the last time he stayed up your house. As he was at mine early that day and in my bed the night before and then the following night. I assume you know this the fact he was living with me six nights a week….. I assume you do as he never had any time for you did he. And when you use to stay down his, he told me he face timed me while you were waiting upstairs and we use to talk on the phone when he’s say to you he was going to the shops. Or he’d go into the bathroom….
He admitted texting me and wishing he was at mine while you were at his. He didn’t say all of this willingly I had to get it out of him….. but it was through his  admittance of his wrong doings he realised what he had become. If you are still reading now I hope you see the tone in which this is wrote is not one of malice.  And I hope you see I have given you more than you deserve and have ever done for me. Therfore I am the better person and always will be as I can say proud I didn’t lie to you. but look at what you did….. how you reacted ….. and are still doing. Understand this if nothing else ….. February three years ago I meet him. And to understand that I didn’t want to be dragged into yours and his fucked up relationship if you can call it that. But when I found out nine months later two months after I seen his phone with nothing but sex conversations with other girls I knew that this needed to be stopped. And yes I got in touch with you for the truth but pride fucked you over and you got it all wrong from that moment on. Me and him resolved things after a week and every time I found out he was in touch with you I told you or made it known. Yet it was me you had arrested. I understand he played a good game and made me out to be nuts…… but where was your intelligence then ??? You knee deep down something wasn’t right. You just hung on for too long. And as ‘you’ now say you left you walked away. That’s different to what I know after him not wanting to meet you at that park….. I seen the emails sweetie. I have seen everything. I have seen that he has completely fucked you off. But pride my darling is your worst enemy.  And it will cause you to fall spectacularly if you don’t realise.

But if you did however in your mind think you walked away I guess I should thank you. Because me and him stood a chance …. you and him had that chance ans you blew it. All I needed was to be given it ….so he could fall for the girl that was meant to come into his life. ….and I am the only girl who could of made him realise who you were. He’s not too smart but I studied psychology too. And I had you nailed. I predicted things you would do and you did them and acted the way I said I yiu would. And that just gave him more trust and faith in me. And made him want to be a better person  the person he was before he met you.  You didn’t notice soooooo much and I always wondered why. Now I know it was because you had another distraction or two yourself. Which come unraveled last year ……. you see me as such a threat and hate me so much yet you are fascinated by Me.

Even with regards to my work …… it must be horrible for you to admire what I do…. when you are trying so hard to get to where I am in the editing capacity. But unfortunately pride again Is your biggest sin. I could help you out …..and I will…… and if you do not take this advice then pride again has fucked you over.  You consider yourself a artist but what you really are is a conceptual photographer. Your Editing work is not good, why you focus on producing such elaborate pieces I don’t know as you are showing yourself up. You are showing how ignorant you are to the art. You take better pictures than you do edit. So focus on taking pictures and not doing elaborate editing. The more of this you do the more you will learn in editing and progress quicker.  It’s advice take it or leave it but stop slating other photographers as you sound like a spoilt jealous bitch. You have had a camera for less than a year your editing skills are shit …. you take a decent photo some good ones too. But the way you bitch is so disgusting it’s like you are the same standard as the photographers you admire. You are not. And yes brag all you like about being self taught. Most togs are. But don’t put yourself on a pedestal because you are going to have a lesson in life from that. You are no better than any other photographer their work technically or artistically may not be to your standard but if they enjoy it if they like it….. shut the fuck up and just concentrate on your own shit. As im sure better togs that you look up too….. if you seen them say the shit uou do about other togs or knew they were talking about your work you would hate it. You say you are so motavating? I say fucking prove it as you come across on twitter as a bitter jealous contridicting bitch.

And before you use the line ‘ oh I only put out there what I want people to see’ or basically admit that your a lying twat as you have said that before that you lie to the public. Think of this how the hell would your little fb audience think of you if they actually seen your twitter. As I know I would 100% UNFOLLOW you.

Unless twitter is the place you actually show your true colours then put your account on private as people who would of respected you would see your twitter and loose all respect for you. Take this as advice or don’t but you know I’m not talking shit. So with enough of this charade you do, let it go it’s beco ming pitiful. Once a month ill check your shit see who your slating now or how you are feeding your own ego. …. and you never fail to disappoint wirh having a rant about me or your ex.  Best part is when I say something back or hit a nerve you pretend like you weren’t even looking when it was so obvious it was.  I literally laugh. Do yourself and everyone else a favour….. grow up, move on, and learn from your mistakes.

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