Every person leaves their mark on you, every memory stains, and every word hurts………….Until you walk away. Today has been a day of reflection and contemplation. I have spoke to so many people who have out of no where come back into my life. So many things these last few days have happened, little things that fate could be thanked for. Or serendipitous occurrences can be thankfully blamed. Each one has bought a little bit of hope, a little bit of relief and help.
I am a very spiritual person, ( not believing in god) and thankfully this has helped considerably especially when I have things revealed to me. Throughout my last relationship i constantly had a man who would reveal so much to me, and ask me to stand strong and wait….. I did. Now he has revealed the biggest revelation of them all, and i could not be happier at knowing this. This gave me something that I have waited for, for so long.
And then another man revealed a lesson for a lifetime to me as I sat on Roath Park bench today a familiar one, and I people watched. I cried a little, i smiled a little, and I felt calm and at peace for a little, and i thought alot. I had a gentleman sit down next to me and ask how my day was, the defensive part in me, wanted to say, ‘it was fine before you came along.’
Though i didn’t I am not a rude person but i find small talk pointless. So i said the truth, ‘Well i have had better,’
But i dared to meet his eyes. So i stayed fixated on the lake and the boats, but raised a smile with my lips. He paused considering the best way to respond i suppose, If considering a response at all. But his response was beautiful and sincere, and made me love the honesty and warmth of strangers. People who have no responsiblity or obligation to you, yet treat you with more care than those who can claim to love you.
‘Well that it a shame to hear… I could fill the silence with advice fifty six years worth of it. But only fifty six as for three years i was a alcoholic and remember nothing, so your welcome to fifty six years worth.’ And he sat looking out to the lake, content as if he thought the sentence not said a word. I could of declined and said i was fine, but something compelled me to accept. Who knows he may of needed to talk to someone, to feel useful, to feel he still has a purpose or to even justify a bad act by doing a good one.
‘Life, love, and health,’ I let the words float out with no urgency, and no care. And he replied with the same casual tone.
‘Well, if it was me ten years ago, I’d tell you to have a drink with me. ( he laughed a little and i smiled) But life is a bitch, never expect anything good from it and you shall never be disappointed. But don’t ever stop trying to be a better person than you were the day before. God knows the world needs all of them they can get. ( he had a point, and it was sensible advice) Love, thats a tricky one, but again never expect any good and you shan’t be disappointed. But never stop loving someone just because they stop loving you. The world needs love, and so many people seem to forget the more love you carry inside you the more grows. ( at this point i bit my lip, this old ex drunk was a smart man) And as for Health, dont ever expect good health, we are mutations therefore our health will one day disappoint. But dont go drinking excessively or using drugs, just expect that health like age has a sell by date. But do know whatever life gives us to deal with in love or health know that those two show us who really matters and who we really matter too.’ His voice dropped slightly and i seen from the corner of my eye i could see his handkerchief wiping his eyes. I bowed my head a little and smiled.
He stood up and wished me a good day, and said ‘see you tomorrow Irene’ I wondered how old and crazy this man was at this point and doubted what just happened. I stayed on the bench for a little while longer then decided to go. As I got up I reached over the back of the bench for my Jacket, and there in the plaque was inscribed ‘For Irene, who would spend many hours sat here.’ It almost bought a tear to my eye. Love, life and health…… and his Irene……
Two tortured torsos sitting on a bench, thinking in our hollow heads, about the same pains. Part of me wants to sit on the bench tomorrow and hope he visits, another part of me wants to leave flowers on the bench. But since that little occurrence today….. I have felt so peculiar in a philosophical way.