You paused for to long…….

There are certain things that happen to us and  can take us a lifetime or more to understand why. Then there are other things that happen in which we realise straight away why that happened. why it occurred, the meaning the steam the cause. Sometimes ‘hindsight’ is the wand of a wizard allowing us to see things we were so involved with,  that the perspective was warped to a terrifying degree.

Emotions are powerful if not the most destructive and some of the beautiful things a human can own. Thoughts also a equally deadly combination or a beautiful escape. Which ever they are they make us, us. And the most powerful addiction for any human, love. We have all loved someone too much, so much that it warps who we are and what we see. We see ourselves in a different light and the lover to in another form. Maybe they are not always accurate or maybe they are so far fetched we create our fairytale and live it, because without the fairytale glasses we wear we would see that it is in fact hellish nightmare.At one point in our life we are all guilty of such sin.

At one point in our life we are all oblivious to the truth. I am no exception, after all I am only human. Love is something i write about quite a lot, i know. I understand why i do, because sometimes i think i can make sense of it other-times i have no clue what it is. But i think that is the way love is meant to be, never fully understood. Every person has their own version of what love is, what it feels like, how people display it and what it means to them. Some people after being hurt from what they believed was love shy away from it, completely. Never wanting to experience it again. I find this both sad, yet i find that i completely relate also to this. Is this person a coward because they shy away from love, or is it a great act of strength to never allow yourself be so vulnerable in love, which is essentially what every body, soul and heart yearns for; to be loved.

I don’t know what love is, i know that you never love two people the same way, or with the same kind of love. Each person brings with them a new found feeling of love, that i find tremendously scary. If i met someone, and I had the opportunity to see what my future, my love with that person would transpire into, would i choose to stay or run scared. A relationship or two of mine, if i could of had a opportunity would I of still fallen in love with them, even though they caused me such gut wrenching pain? Yes. I would see myself crumpled on the bathroom floor crying and sobbing, and i would watch scars appear on my arms, and a light fade from my eyes. I would watch my character and personality change from trusting to wary, and with every weak day that i fell to my knees and screamed in physical pain because my soul was shattering. I would go through it. Stupid? probably. Idiot, most likely. But If i did not go through it and experience it, it would not mould me into the person I am, my writing/poems would not be as rich with soiled pain. My images would not be as atmospheric and dark. I spoke to someone once, whom i didn’t respect much because what they revealed themselves to be. But a sentence she uttered made complete sense to me; “some of my best writings come from my bleeding wrists” This sentence didnt shock me, i just understood. I understand sometimes ‘happiness writes white’ (nothing appears)

This image of mine symbolises to me what love leaves you with, lungs full of love tears, a body so weak it can no longer swim. This is my version of how love leaves me, drown and dead. But then you have to die to be reincarnated to live/love again.

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