So this blog is either a really good or a really stupid idea to talk about. So recently I broke up with someone. Through a lot of the relationship he had a very negative perspective on our relationship when he was in it. When he wasn’t in it, it was all of a sudden the only thing he had any positivity towards.
Well lets be honest when you take someones power away thats all they really want back is their power over you. Power in a relationship is something I have never understood or control. I understand certain people require the need to control others through fears insecurities etc. But when does it become unacceptable. When does it become dangerous. When the person who has the power doesn’t see any wrong in exercising it over anyone and everyone else for his own selfish, self gratifying ways. Yet the only person who he really should exert power on is himself in the form of discipline. He should discipline himself to be a more respectable, more understanding, more self aware, more empathic person. He should strive to be the best person he can be, not to be the best pretend person he can be when he needs to put on a show to impress someone.
My last but one blog before this one i splattered my heart bare…. about the situation of my ex. However a recent development has occurred. He decided to email me and tell me he had his throat down a girls throat and a hand, god only knows where and that he felt nothing. Well it was kinda good he felt nothing, as to be honest a just turned 18 years old girl who looks 16 and him being 30 screams issues. I don’t know who for more her or him, having said that. But he decided he missed me and he wanted to see fig we could ‘talk’ and se where it leads. My first emotion was disgust, first thought was ‘well you knew he was a sleaze’ and finally the conclusion was. It was nice to be missed. How pathetic is that. I was thankful to be missed by someone who had cheated on me for two years, decided that i should compete and be deceived by his pathetic issues and constant need for female attention or a lonely want over some explicit images one of the seven girls he was messaging him sent. Because he manipulated them into it mostly and the other because they have no self respect. But yes i was kinda glad to be missed.
I realise now hoe pathetic i sound, and to be honest therapy is helping. However we spoke on the phone. Which ended with my crying my heart out. Why because he is such a vile and ugly person. I can’t believe i was with him or even loved him. I know now i don’t love him, thats obvious as i pity any girl he ends up with, i just know i don’t want that girl to be me. See this person is a professional at using what my therapist calls transference. Apparently he wants to meet my therapist and tell her she is shit. Because clearly he is full competent to make that type of assumption after digging his way deeper into his volcano of issues. He has emotional issues….. he has none. There is a complete difference between psychopathic and sociopathic. I would be the sociopath he would be the psychopath. As i am smart, he is just sly with exploding temper. However i have the ability to make you look HERE
while really the story you want to be focusing on is here. So the art of distraction and careful planning. kinda like ‘gone girl’ If you haven’t seen that film, watch it my ex said it reminded him of me. Which i take as a total compliment. 🙂 Anyway the point of the phone call helped me to see things even clearer. He is a negative selfish and self loathing person. And he is confused and fucked up more than load of sperm flowing down a whores throat. So yeah, through the conversation i told him i was going to therapy. Which gaged nothing apart from apparently me accepting blame for his behaviour and lack of control of it in our relationship and all the times i freaked out or went ballistic at yet another deceitful lie about a girl. Or the fact for every time he tried to manipulate me i would say yeah well its just like when you done…… apparently if he is the cause, so the action, the person who delivers the consequences to his actions is the person at fault. So even if he had been cheating on me for two years and lying and being a sleazy bastard and drove me insane. I am also at fault for loosing my mind and making his life hell as he was making my mind hell. Even though he will start the ripple he is not at fault. So my confession of therapy for him was a great admittance as far as he was concerned that for the last three years he’s been right and i have been wrong. Now I’m not exactly always floating with reality but even i know this is completely deluded. He hates the fact that my daughter knew as soon as we spilt up he was talking to another girl. Why did he hate this ? because he was just ‘talking’ to another girl. Because it paint him in a bad light and normally well nearly 90 percent of the time we split up he will within 24 hours be talking or distracting himself with one new flavour or another. Meanwhile while he is having the time of his life talking to these girls, my daughter sees her mother as a fucking wreck. Sad upset and hurt and made to feel worthless. But yeah I’m sooooo in the wrong because when my daughter asks me whats wrong and i say me and connor split up again she proceeds to say ‘it won’t be long and he will be talking to another girl mum and you can forget him them’ When i say well he already is, and even she isn’t surprised. Even though if i am having a extreme bad time she will reach out to him, but instead of putting her needs before his own, he will fob her off making out he is a saint. While he is messaging the girl while her mothers in a hospital ward. Yet he will justify it to himself that i have told him to fuck off when he has got in touch before. Yes i have because he has been the fucking cause of my breakdown. Jesus can this person be any more deluded to his own actions.
Anyway i am completely going off topic here, but its good to vent and if he sees this post well good. So anyway the conversation proceeded with some sniggers, with some insults, and digs wedged in too. Oh and not to forget the words he spat at me through gritted teeth. There was not one positive thing he said. No words of encouragement or support. Now please keep in mind this is a person who got in touch because he missed me and wanted to talk to me and see where things went. Well it has to be said i didn’t miss speaking to him. I come off the phone feeling like utter shit. Yet i have made so much progress in myself and my confidence just to have it smashed to pieces within about twenty minutes. I got off the phone and i thought WOW when did i exactly love this person? when did i ever care about them? as as sure as shit stinks, he’s never cared for me, and especially not when i have needed him the most. I was left somewhat devastated and somewhat disappointed as this person i was so in love with i put up with all this for i made excuses, and i gave chances for him to chance and still he is the same person he swore he never wanted to be or was. But only a mask can stick for so long. A ugly person will be ugly no matter how many times they attempt to conceal it. The mask will constantly slip. and even though they will try their best to talk their way out of it, justify or make excuses for themselves they are ugly on the inside and the outside. So just walk away from them, well run. As people who hold power as more valuable than love are just ugly.
I have just had a few people inbox me on Facebook to tell me he posted a video whereby a man is trying to pull a trolley out of a trolley bay the wrong way. The caption of the video is ‘never assume someone is dumb, let them prove it’ My ex then proceeds to share the video saying ‘ This is not even funny its so insulting that someone is so fucking incredibly stupid. It eats away at my faith in humanity’
Now this video is shared from a page called asylum. And at first I didn’t understand the fuss as to why these people were inboxing me until i watched the video. It is of a mentally disabled guy with his pants round his ankle, my i say his second pair of underpants which he is wearing over his trousers. And he is trying to pull a trolley out of a trolley bay while people video him. So not only is my ex a complete and utter wanker to me knowing i have bipolar he is as well to the rest of the people who are mentally challenged in some ways or another. Jesus and theres me thinking it was just me he had a problem with being a dumb fuck as he use to call me. Ahhhh good to know he is a ignorant and discriminating CUNT to every one else then. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by him even more so now. Worst part is the person who is pulling or trying to pull the trolley out of the bay is such a better human than my ex as he would probably never post a video mocking a disabled person, with such a horrid caption and promote this type of discrimination.
However i like the irony that the videos caption is ‘Never assume someone is dumb, let them prove it’
My ex is the dumb one as he’s the one that reposted the video without even looking at the person close enough to see the person for the human being he really is and that he’s not stupid but mentally challeneged. Unlike my ex who is dumb and proved it.