Control … 

If someone shall banish you from their life then their control over your life is expelled. If I shall write a poem or publish a post of memories past, then as a free person that’s what I shall do. I have no one else’s feelings to consider as I owe no one nothing. They do not care for my feelings so why should they be repaid with anything more than they are willing to give. I could sit quite and mourn, but if they don’t they why should I. Why should I mourn something that was meaningless. I shall write as I’m a writer and I shall create images as I document my life through photos. I shall combine both when I see that there is something worth honouring. I met a man who was kind and never showed any anger or threw any insults. He was a man who could talk, not just shout aggressively. He had patiences even as nothing more than a friend. I realise how valuable this was when I had a man who was the polar opposite of this. This man made me feel worthless, meaningless, and disposable. So why should I not honour the qualities of someone else who I now appreciate more. I do not see this man anymore and neither do I want too. But I can honour his attributes.  For all the things he was, he was always kind. And for that I wish him the best in life and love. For the other man who was not, I wish him still all the best in life and love. 

I need no validation from anyone about who or what I am. I know my flaws and I know my strengths. I am not perfect I am human. But I have the strength now to say goodbye to a past, to both of these men. And to start my life with new exciting people. I could be a lot of things but bitter is one I shan’t be. The man who is aggressive and insulting, can think what he likes, say what he likes, and do as he likes. He is not mine, and I, not his. I can laugh now genuinely with his assumptions and idiotic aggression and foolish ignorance. I can laugh at his deluded thoughts and perception. And I can walk away knowing I did my best like I always do. My paranoid ways would of been there had he not played the games and treated me in such a way. If he had not been such a horrid person I wouldn’t of been either. But I now, am not at war, with myself or him or anyone else. I am glad he thinks his deluded thoughts and he is ignorant as it means he will hate me and blame me for all his choices and actions. His behaviour and his decisions, all the while being so arrogant of the truth. But that’s something he never could give, or take, the truth. That’s his mistake not mine, and I won’t be condemned for what he thinks in his pathetic little mind. He turns a thought in his head into his own reality and  hates anyone who tries to set him right. Have your twisted reality, enjoy it, and your self sabotage, I am not your enemy, I am now your nothing. The way I am happy for it to be. I miss nothing of you, or what you gave and put me through, I miss nothing of the insults and aggression and the ignorance in which you speak. So save it and give it to someone else…. I am not under your spell. 

Silly boy, play with your silly girl toys, and let the adults live their life’s. assume what you like, you’re wrong again as always…. but fight away, You’re on your own. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s