It’s ok…

Travel they say, experience new food and culture, meet new people and see new things. I did. I done it all, and it changes you. I travelled to Kos, with my daughter and I explored the whole island within 3 days. The person who got on the plane to visit Kos, was not the person who got back on the plane and returned to the UK. Whilst I was there i decided to risk everything, I drove on the other side of the road, It was something I didn’t think i could do, but i threw myself into it, like i do most things i want to achieve. Sink or Swim. I laughed, and felt freedom, and a weight lift.

I was in contact with someone fro my past who always had\did make me feel so self conscious, so low. And yet, the people i met there changed my whole perspective of life, love and people. Just because someone shows you no respect, it does not mean that you should not respect yourself. Reality is a perspective of a person, therefore one persons reality is not likened to another or deem able as being ‘right’. I also realised that if someone wants to think bad of you, then thats all they will think, no matter what you do, if that is what they think of you, nothing will change their mind. If people want to find fault in something or someone they will. But you can never gain anything positive from looking at something negative. You can never experience anything positive if you think negatively towards it. And if you never act positive towards something you will always receive a negative reaction. What someone ‘thinks’ you deserves is not what you should think you deserve. Everyone deserves respect and understanding. Anyone can be angry and impatient, it takes a real soulful human being to be kind and understanding. This may seem like a given, but it is not. Just because you can be nice to a stranger or to someone you know or care for it does not make you a good person. If you had a enemy infront of you or someone who had caused you hurt or pain, to be kind to them and understanding despite their misgivings makes you a genuinely good person. If you can tell the truth despite the consequences to yourself you are a good person doing the right thing for someone else. I had not had this in my last relationship. Lying and misguided truths was always a part of his life. Impatiences and lack of compassion or understanding was absent from his blood. Respect and fairness he would preach about but sparsley would show any to those who would show it to him. Ignorance was his morale high ground, and feelings were somewhat of a myth.

I could preach and i could enlighten any soul, but i prefer to say, that through being hurt and disrespected on a continual basis has strengthened me. Through a language barrier between me and a few people i met whilst in Kos i realised so much. Life is as complicated as you make it…… Even if it is raining, “Its ok” because tomorrow it may not, or “Its ok” because you are in your house. If you are hurting or upset with someone “Its ok” because you won’t be always. The amount of times i heard the phrase “Its ok” made me smile, as yes, yes it is ‘ok’. The simplicity of it being ‘ok’ the word being so simply made up of two letters but having such power within them to actually give comfort and a new perspective and reassurance is wonderful.

I played on the beach with leo and Tinisha, Leo taught me how to skim rocks, i was wearing a dress and was knee deep in the beautiful topaz sea. And overtime i could not skim a rock, the phrase came “It’s ok” Everytime it came tumbling out i smiled “Its ok, you can try again” I then seen the metaphor for my life, for every rock i could not skim, for everytime i tried and failed, it was ok, as i just try again. But it was nice to have someone say “Its ok”. My dress was soaking wet, and “It’s ok” because it will dry, and did within half hour. When i was deep in thought, and my mind wandering further than any country i could visit, it is ‘ok’ as for every thought and problem there is a resolution. Leo taught me and made me feel ‘alive’. I walked next to him wanting to touch him, feeling his energy, and feeling something tug in me. He crossed my path, and I crossed his, and I didn’t want to not walk on my path without him. But the end of my stay was hours away. 

When i sat writing my last blog post in the bar in lamb, i cried a little bit as it was a emotional day, a voice heavy with accent spoke “Lu-c why you cry?” i thought i could shed a tear or two without anyone noticing, i could do it in secret. Maybe it was the voice heavy with a accent that could only speak in simple english that allowed me to understand the simplicity of life, and love and the world. Maybe it is good to have fewer words to speak, maybe too many words complicate things too much. Simple English slathered with a heavy accent seemed somewhat refreshing and magical. There are few things in this world that are truly precious, love, respect, and loyalty are among the few i deem precious. Now i add one to this list, it is ‘time’, time and leo. Time is now a whole new level of precious. So is Leo. This last week i have spent time with my daughter, time traveling through a beautiful island, time with beautiful people and time by myself. I have also spend time thinking about things and time watching the world and its interactions. I have spent time listening to peoples stories and experiences and lives and i felt so privileged to of been given the most precious thing they have ‘time’, and they spent it talking to me. It is lovely. The laidback attitude of the people i met was refreshing and beautiful to be. I decided to delete my one email address from my phone as i no longer need to spend time with anything that comes through on that email address. I choose not to spend my time on anyone who thinks i deserve less than what i know i deserve. I decided simple words like “Its ok” are some of the most beautiful words i have ever heard.

And ‘Its ok’ to ask questions, and ask lots, because how else will i get answers, will i understand, will i learn or grow my perspective my knowledge and my beliefs if i do not ask. I always ask people questions, sometimes they are random, sometimes they are personal, other times they are philosophical, i ask because i am curious to how other people are similar or different to me in the way they think, see and have experienced life. For i will always be the girl that asked the questions that made them think more, that made them see that i am not just a pretty girl, I am a curious, fun, intelligent and witty girl. I am a talented, caring and compassionate girl, with a passion and lust for magic and beauty.

For what it is worth to anyone reading this…. and thinking too much or feeling too much “Its ok” it will get better it always does….. but Its ok to feel sad, its ok to feel anger, its ok to feel lost or confused, we are human and its ok to feel, its what we are made to do, to feel, some of us feel so deeply, and its ok because it shows we cared so deeply, loved so deeply and believed so deeply. That is not a bad thing, it is good, as it shows that we are more than what we think we care, and capable of.


This is problem…

This is my fourth day in kos,Greece. I understand why people say that Greece is one of the most beautiful places on earth. It is one of the few truths that i have heard leave peoples lips, and Kos is no exception. The people are very friendly, the weather is beautiful, and if someone asked me to choose two colours to sum up Greece it would be blue and white. Two colours i have never really liked, yet here they are beautiful, they compliment one another. They work. Its ironic that it is also the colour of their flag.

In the last four days I (and my daughter) have travelled the length of Greece. It has been my first time driving on the opposite side of the road. Something i never thought I would be able to do. But i done it. From hiring a motorbike, to driving a buggy. The scenery has been beautiful, the uneven tan i have from driving each individual vehicle is now marked on my body. My journey through the wonders of Kos i will be wearing back to the UK (home) in a few days.

The people are so friendly, they all seem to have fallen in love with my daughter and her beauty. Its is strange to be honest. They all ask me “Where is your husband?” something i found out is; that to have a child ‘one’ must assume you have a husband as well. Which is quite different from the way one perceives you, if you have a child in the UK. The men are so polite over here. I spent some time talking to a few about their culture their home life and the way they perceive the world through their upbringing. The world ‘Gentleman’ holds the same values and description which the word holds to someone born in the UK. Gentleman- should be refined in the dictionary as a ‘dying breed of men’.

One thing however i have found interesting is the perception of love and respect, men and women have over here. The women are very respectable and strong figures. The men are very respectable and have good values when viewing a woman in what they look for. Is Love a universal language that everyone speaks? Yes it is. But few understand the language or appreciate the attachment and the significance attached to it. The bottom line is a man is a man, and a woman is a woman. They fit certain stereotypes no matter that the circumstances.

I asked a question “If you have a girlfriend you have a relationship with one woman, do you think it is ok, to sleep and be with other women” I asked this primary out to curiosity from my own wanderings and hurt, from my interest in the difference of relationships in different cultures. The one man replied,
“I live in Albania and i come out to Kos to work for 7 months, so i can not go without doing something for that time. If i see pretty girl i like i do something” I asked if he would tell the girl whom he is in a relationship with. He said “No. Why i would tell her?”

That broke my little heart in men and relationships. As it is the common practice of men to think this way. Men can separate sex and love and commitment so easy. Maybe women can too, maybe thats why i can’t understand the way men can do it because i am not one of them women.

To my relief another guy spoke and said “You can do that? there is not something right with your relationship. If you love you can not do that, you do not feel like you want to be with someone else, no one else you like.” – This guy was by far the most morale guy. I liked his view of love and towards women and relationships. There is a million questions that i asked and the answered and they asked and i answered. They told me stories of their lives, and interesting perspectives. They tried their best to actually understand me, apparently English people talk very fast. I taught them a very polite word to ask someone to repeat what they said, if it was spoken to fast…’Pardon’
They would speak to me and if i did not hear or understand them i said ‘Pardon?’ They found this an amusing word. So now when i leave in two days a little bar in kos, Greece will say ‘Pardon?’ to the British people they do not understand. That makes me so happy.

I came to Greece a bit lonely and a bit down with my perspective of things, and with not much confidence in myself or the world, men, love or purpose.

I wot go home cured or with a new lease of life, I will just go home and be happy with the people i exchanged a few stories with and that gave me a few precious moments of their time and their life to me. I have also learnt that in Greece only two things are certain ‘Death and Taxes’ – I suppose its good to know.

I know that when a greek has more than two mosquito bites that “This is problem” A statement i laughed too hard at. They hate the mosquito bites just as much as anyone else and the mosquitoes just love blood, they are not fussy of race or gender.