I lived as I wanted to live, by the notion that love conquers all. I loved, I lost, I grew, I collapsed. I became everything and nothing all at once. “She was magic” they will say one day about me. That’s what the men say who gravitate towards me, for neither do I flirt or encourage or beckon to me. They just know something about me is different, like a storm, a mystery. I was once called a ‘epiphany wrapped in a enigma’. It is only now I understand the meaning behind that sentence. Some people are on this earth to awaken things within you, to lead you to something, save you from something or to simply teach you something.
For men have taught me my greatest lessons in this life, how they can lie carelessly, decieve easily, and manipulate skillfully. I admire their cold blooded nature, it is through these harsh lessons I can now judge and manover through their plights, and ploys and dismember their tactics. It is through men I have discovered my strength and my power. I have loved few men, trusted even less, and found comfort and safety in none. My strength and power comes from knowing I provide more for myself than any man ever has. Therefore I do not need a man, I need a warrior to understand he has a goddess, not a toy.
I layed under the sun in the Greek islands not long ago and conversed with a soul thrown into my path. His manners were beautiful his soul so pure, his olive skin and deep brown eyes glowed. I think I fell in love with him, in the way you fall in love with a beautiful piece of art. You look at the piece of art, maybe a painting, and you see only what you can comprehend through your own experience. It’s like a mirror it reflects back to you what you know is there but forget to acknowledge. In falling in love with him I fell in love with myself. I fell in love with my laugher again, like he fell in love with the way I laughed. I fell in love with my eyes, because he fell in love with the way they spoke, he learnt a language not many learn and I allowed him to learn. From all the men, I felt safe with him, as his soul stood taller than him, and spoke louder than him. I learnt lessons too, and he allowed me too. It was pure ….. nothing was laced or poisoned.
It wasn’t a holiday fling, as nothing happened between me and him, but it was a chance for souls to sing. We found something and it will always be a precious precious precious memory. He, he was like no man I had ever met before, and he confessed I was the most ‘magic and entrancing’ girl he had ever came across. Can you fall in love with someone in three days ? No. You can fall in love with them in a second. And that’s the beauty of love, it’s like art, you can make it beautiful, you can make it raw and complicated, elusive, or you can make it your masterpiece. Everything is art, from the way one moves, or dresses, to the way one speaks or listens, art is love. Art is a expression of love.
My greatest pieces of work, poems or pictures come from love. Love is so transcendent ….. the forms it takes the layers it creates, it is like the ever expanding universe, rarely glimpsed at, vastly misunderstood and forever changing and evolving in its dimensions.
I have transformed through being loved and loving someone, many times. I have found myself in love and lost myself to love. I have been in heaven and hell because of love. Love takes you places you never thought possible. Love is it’s own antidote. I don’t ever want a love that can be compromised …… I have finished with the mortal perspective of love. I want the spiritual connecting love. And my life until it crosses my path again will continue on. Sometimes you have to starve something in order to see its strength and determination to forgo one life source for another. I had this done to me, I starved, I was starved. But I didn’t die.
Men have taught me my greatest lessons, that is ‘don’t feed what you don’t want to gain strength’. It’s a lesson I wear in the way my eyes speak and my body moves. The questions I ask and the reserved smile I have. I have been through some storms, but I would not be as beautiful if I had not endured them. A journey is to learn…. and for I have learnt … but a transformation can only be successful if you realise everything that ties you to your past needs to be removed. Everything. If something is to be fresh and clean and pure, it needs to not have any residue from before ….. as you are not starting a fresh, you are building on the residue of before which crumbled for you before ….
Sacrifice is always required for new .. and acknowledgment and confronting the past is always a need to understand how to let go