The weight….

There are so many questions in which we yearn for answers, and through the course of life we wait for the answers to reveal themselves. Another year has slide into my past, from love and exhaustion of the weight of the questions i carry, I have come to realise the ‘questions’ we seek can only be answered by ourselves. We have faith in everything will work out for the best, the right decisions will lead us to some sort of peace and happiness. If i could inject a wicked cackle laugh here i would. But i cant, sorry. What if every wrong decision we ever make leads us still on the right path, only the path will teach us more than the right path, and thats the answer itself. That even the wrong path, the wrong decision is the right one, for self growth. I have poured out soul, to empty, on the wagon of love, believing it will lead me from the confusion and agony into the peace and balance i yearned for. Three months ago i told someone who i was involved in not to contact me ever again, I see the sticks of a triangle again being built by him. And i took charge and took away the stick that was me. And when i did this i realised for the wrong path i was on, (with him) i had now chosen the right path, the right decision. It was empowering, especially while i watched, i suppose as fate would from the sidelines waiting for my predicts to become a reality. And they did. At that moment i snapped my stick, not out of bitterness or out of hatred, but out of self love. I snapped it knowing i would never and could never put myself in a situation like that again.

The wrong path will be just as difficult as the right path, just as complicated and just as questioned. But what we learn from the wrong path is more than we will ever learn from the right path. And out destination will end on the same spot regardless of the path. Why? Because like a spiders web that is broken, there will be another silk string in tact that will lead you back to the point you needed to be. But with the added extra of learning something more important than we ever thought, or think possible, at present moments in time.

Some people seem to forget they always have ‘freewill’ under any circumstances, even when other people make decisions. The thing you will always retain is your free will, to which you can embrace or you can surrender in the blind hope that you can convince yourself you had no choice. That, it was the only choice you could make. But no matter how much you bury yourself in your lies, the truth is just under the surface… and always will be. The lies and dishonesty will weigh on the truth and your conscious. To be at peace with ones choices and perils is to receive the answers, even those which we do not want to acknowledge. Love and what it entails, delivers and drowns you in, how it leaves you, affects you and makes you doubt things from your life, to your family and your sanity is the most dangerous thing to invite into your life. Yet, we do, as humans, want to belong, need company, and a loving embrace. This is essentially what can bring up to the peak of happiness or plummet us into a hell that we have a 50/50 chance of surviving, but the burns and scars from this we will always wear as a wise man wears a crown of wisdom. Evolution of the soul can only ever be accomplished if you know that for every person, and situation you have ever been in has taught you something about yourself.

It is a weight, to wait… for the answers …. but never expect to ever have the answers when it comes to love. I rather study space or physics than love, as love has more infinite possibilities than quantum theory in my opinion. Even the wisest of gurus will not be able to advise you on love, the best you can hope to get from them is a speech about loving yourself. You can love another person more than you love yourself, you can love them in the purest of ways, in the deepest most self sacrificing of ways, but if they do not love themselves, how do you expect them to know how to love you? to understand love? relate to it? The truth is everyone has a different idea of love, and they dont always like the reality of it…. I believe in love, and that everybody has the ability to love and be loved. Pride, and ego are the only things that twist the idea of love, into the reality we reject. Unconditional love? nope, i do not believe in that… Love always is given with terms and conditions, what terms and conditions do you love on? what stops you from loving someone, what conditions do you put in place? what restrictions is your love tied with? Understand these questions, for they do not need answers, they need to be thought of and contemplated and then you can claim you have a 1% understanding of the complications of ‘love’.

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