Few things fire my soul with passion but words and poetry. For me poetry is a dying language that only those with a hopeless romantic heart and a imaginative mind can learn and understand. The beauty of poetry and its metaphors is something that can bring about a sense of comfort during loss and a sense of longing during lonely days. The spoken word is ugly, the only words I have ever truly thought were beautiful were scrawled in ink on pages of books that were never meant to be shared. Poetry is like secret riddles that can only be decoded by the soul. I love poetry, I love metaphors and I love that my soul can dance with delight when it reads a poem like this …
I have realised I need to escape. My home is not Wales, nothing about Wales is home or peace for me. I have realised for every time i land back in the UK i am checking my app to book the next flight out. The heaviness and dread that descends on me in wales is crippling. I travel to escape and i read while i am here to escape into a new world. But for now life has so many doors open I have been warned not to walk through any, just to wait as a few locked doors will become unlocked. This is both comforting and nerve wracking. Fear and doubts lead us to a state of stagnate existence, where they trade us what we can achieve and have, for that of which we already have. To be comfortable is what the weak use to live. To be uncomfortable being comfortable is what the cowards use to justify their life. The person who is uncomfortable but not longing to lost is the person who has made peace with his past, present and future, along with himself.
I have long felt the feeling i am lost, as i am not lost or longing, or feeling incomplete. I am not yearning or soulfully searching for anything, as i know what i have coming ….. being alone means hanging out with your soul, and learning to tune in and speak with it. I have learnt a language that is rarer than latin. So i have faith and i have trust to know what i have entering my life and who will enter it and who will come back. The problem is the knowing of ‘when’ i do not care for the how. Right now i am just waiting infront of all the open doors and watching the locked doors with intrigue. One day i will say ‘Well played universe, well played’ Until then i will be traveling through my books, on planes, in my writing and through my images, to escape where i am. I was told my head and heart and soul are out of alignment to my body. I know that, my body is here, my soul doesn’t want to be, my mind is frustrated at what to do and my heart, well god knows whats happened to that son of bitch.
How cowardly are you?
I think to a extent we are all cowards regarding one aspect of our lives or persona. Some are cowardly towards accepting who they are …. or becoming who they can be. Some can be cowards towards their emotions and revealing or showing them. Acting on our dreams, or ambitions. Cowards to the truth, or our destiny … cowards to faith and letting it give us our fate. Cowards in believing something …. we are all cowards of something …. and what you are w coward of is the thing that you fear the most. You fear it because it matters the most, it’s important, significant. You fear it because you know if you confront it, you will be presented with two possibilities, 1. Everything you ever wanted 2. The realisation that you will never have/become/achieve what is so important to you.
The thing with being cowardly is we deprive ourselves from the reality. Fear controls us, makes us doubt ourselves, our lives and choices, our future. Doubts eat away at our self esteem, and we ‘settle’ we settle for what does not challenge us, or frighten us. Therefore it will not change us, confronting fear, dispelling doubts, changes us as people. It changes our perspective our motives our behaviour, it enables us to grow. But first we have to be comfortable to let our old selfs and old ideas wither and die. As death is only death if you settle as then your fears die too. But death is another chance at life at being reborn if you step away from your doubts an fears and believe in what you want/deserve. Only you can have the life you want by making the changes that need to be made, and those changes are not to comfort the coward in you by feeding him doubts so you can justify ‘settling’.
If it does not set your soul on fire and feed your inspiration, satisfy that nawing hunger … then you will forever starve yourself from the only thing that will nourish your heart, mind and soul.
Anything that is important in your life will always be a factor in your life, it will either be your saviour or your demise in your life.
The greatest gift of my life is that I wasn’t afraid to be alone anymore. It was only when I was alone I was truly becoming friends with my soul. I understood a language I was too cowardly to learn before …. and in being alone I knew what it felt like to be lost and found in the same moment. It is to be loved and unloved at the same time. A journey of a coward starts with knowing why you are a coward… as then you know what’s most important to you in your life, what pieces you need in order to be complete for the lost and longing to stop…. to be at peace …