I have realised I need to escape. My home is not Wales, nothing about Wales is home or peace for me. I have realised for every time i land back in the UK i am checking my app to book the next flight out. The heaviness and dread that descends on me in wales is crippling. I travel to escape and i read while i am here to escape into a new world. But for now life has so many doors open I have been warned not to walk through any, just to wait as a few locked doors will become unlocked. This is both comforting and nerve wracking. Fear and doubts lead us to a state of stagnate existence, where they trade us what we can achieve and have, for that of which we already have. To be comfortable is what the weak use to live. To be uncomfortable being comfortable is what the cowards use to justify their life. The person who is uncomfortable but not longing to lost is the person who has made peace with his past, present and future, along with himself.
I have long felt the feeling i am lost, as i am not lost or longing, or feeling incomplete. I am not yearning or soulfully searching for anything, as i know what i have coming ….. being alone means hanging out with your soul, and learning to tune in and speak with it. I have learnt a language that is rarer than latin. So i have faith and i have trust to know what i have entering my life and who will enter it and who will come back. The problem is the knowing of ‘when’ i do not care for the how. Right now i am just waiting infront of all the open doors and watching the locked doors with intrigue. One day i will say ‘Well played universe, well played’ Until then i will be traveling through my books, on planes, in my writing and through my images, to escape where i am. I was told my head and heart and soul are out of alignment to my body. I know that, my body is here, my soul doesn’t want to be, my mind is frustrated at what to do and my heart, well god knows whats happened to that son of bitch.