The bit of flesh

When his bit of flesh thinks she is relevant in my world that I will write about her ? She is the morsel I would pick from my teeth and swallow without a second thought …


Physical form …

The one thing I have become increasing aware of is how my soul affects my physical body. When I was so anxious and panicky and nervous I would bite the skin around my nails so much they bled. They were so painful and I was so ashamed of them but I couldn’t stop one time someone said to me ‘don’t touch me with your fingers like that’ this line ripped me apart because of how self conscious I was anyway and how vulnerable I was. I would bring my sleeves over my hands and hide them so much.

When I was anxious I also suffered from extreme weight loss and fluid in my knee. It is amazing that when the soul is in pain or needing comfort or peace or healing how it an negatively affect your actual physical health. They say guilt manifests into physical aliments and I know this is to be true.

I spoke with a beautiful and saintly friend as she is suffering and have from the same things. When your soul is under attack from guilt, remorse, longing, or feeling depressed from the way it cannot be free this affects our emotional and mental wellbeing, which in turn then manifests the chemical and biological imbalances in our bodies. I found this hard to become a actual thing until I researched it in a scientific manner myself. And of course took guidance from someone so spiritually evolved. Thankfully as she is like w angel on earth she helped me deeply understand that you can care as much for the physical body, brush your teeth three times a day, use the best moisture’s on your face, eat the healthiest you can. But it still doesn’t mean you won’t have bad breath and your teeth will be vulnerable that your skin will look dull and break out in spots and that your body will become its weakest. The immune system will weaken the fatigue and insomnia will crept in and the aches and pains in joints will intensify. But if you can’t take care of your soul then it can’t stand being trapped with your body so it will essentially give up on it. And let it break down, because your spirit is broken.

Finally I am in such a healthy place mentally and emotionally and physically. I have never been one to be ill or sickly, but when I am I know my soul needs some nourishment.

It’s like having a pet …. if your pet is not happy or don’t like you … it will make you feel bad about yourself. If you neglect the dog and it has fleas or worms those fleas and worms will bite you and you will end up being a host to the bacteria that the dog has because you have neglected it.

People thing being spiritual is all burning sage and chanting, opening up your chakras and healing them.

Bitch no, it’s about healing karmic relationships it’s about knowing when to give a fuck and when not too and to be able to balance your energies. When to listen to your soul when it needs a break, when it needs something and not letting your stupid human ego get in the way. Human ego is the cancer of the soul. Ego means you are stubborn, you refuse to do something because of pride or beliefs or because it benefits everyone else not you. Ego is the way you think you deserve a good life or a good job or car or boyfriend or girlfriend. The ego is the thing you are taught to act upon based on your emotions and mentality. That if someone says something you take it personally, that you value people’s opinions or their attention. Fuck that!

That’s ego.

The ego is so easily damaged and fragile as it can so easily be broken. The soul?? The soul is never broken, it is never stubborn, it’s is never filled with pride or dignity. It will do things even that it does not want to do, because from doingthem things it understands that is where it will grow the most, learn the most and gain new skills. The soul is eternal. So next time you make a decision see if it’s your soul acting or your ego. If something has pushed your buttons or someone has annoyed you, that you need to rant about their stupidity or how idiotic they are my dear that’s you feeding your ego. That’s you thinking you are better than they are based on your limited knowledge of them and their life. The most ignorant person in a room is a person whom assumes anything.

The soul is never courageous … it is strong but never courageous. Because for all the emotions it could define it to be, it wouldn’t dare ….only the ego would.

A very select amount of people know their soul. Understand it and the way it works or what it needs to work. That it needs love, self love and a deep connecting love. It needs food, not human food but the food of passion for life and excitement as well as the comfort and peace in which it can bathe. It needs knowledge of how to be a soul in a human form. Just like a alien would need to know how to live on this planet and interact. The soul needs to know that the human is protecting it and enabling it to breathe clean air and understand the human life and its lessons it now has to face. The soul will only take care of you for as long as you take care of it. And the most compelling thing is that you can not have a healthy functioning relationship with anyone if you can’t have one with your soul. How are you to understand what anther human being and their soul needs from you, if you can’t understand what your own soul needs, and that soul has been with you everyday through every achievement and failure of your life? And you can’t speak with it? Truthfully and accept it and provide for it fully.

The art of life is life itself. You can turn your soul into the strongest pair of wings. Or you can let them decay to spiney feathers with mould. The truth is you get out of your soul what you put in.

I am at a stage where I can call on my soul for company and I can actually here it speak. I kid you not. I can ask my soul to tune into other people’s souls. I have done a few soul journeys where my human form did not need to be present. I couldn’t of done it without the help and guidance of a past life regression therapist and a few other spiritual people, who I now know are part of my soul group.

The thing with humans is w like to control and we like things to go our way. That makes us feel good. And we will manipulate other people and situations to make us feel good. That is the humans ego. The thing that spiritual human understands is that they have ‘free will’ a ex of mine once said that a psychic told him he would have more relationships etc this was because he was not ready to step up to the soul journey and solve a karmic relationship. The thing that proved he was so spiritually retarded was the fact that he did not acknowledge his free will. Ok every and any situation we have free will to make our own choices despite what situations may make us think. What people may want us to do or say or be. His free will would have had him at peace by now, if he had sort it. It would have soothed the hole that he cannot and will never fill.

Free will is the most cherished thing in the world if you know its value and worth. We tend to bend and discard our free will in the way we give up control. People and the government are a prime example. So are parent and child relationships. The authority in the relationships make you think you have no power ….. that you have no other choices – this then makes you think you have no free will.

Boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are the worst for lack of free will or for it to be over exhumed. Some people like control so much they will take away and isolate people thinking the more control they have the more attention they have the more safe they are. Then there are people who is their free will to lie and cheat on their partners and manipulate them. The rules for free will of yours is so simple should you actually be spiritually aware enough to know them.

I can sit and debate and talk for hours with some beautiful minds. I also have a great soul group. And for that my life is enriched in ways most humans will never know. I have never liked attention or sort it for anything. I don’t want attention from the opposite sex or to be liked or admired. I have talents that are endless and I am so smart I can achieve anything I want because I believe in myself. This is not ego this is knowing that being someone who knows a lot and can pick up skill sets extremely quickly I can learn anything I want too quickly. I don’t and have never fallen in love with someone for their looks it’s always been their soul, the way they are. My last boyfriend was so handsome I swooned so much over him because his beauty matched him on the outside as it did on the inside. I was truly blessed to have found him when I did he was a true saviour for me in a soulful way and human way. And I am sure in the next life I will honour the karmic debt.

They say every relationship you have had with someone is someone from your past life…. and what we have done wrong to them will fall back on us in the same like or the next, and they will present themselves in a way that you wouldn’t always think appropriate. In this life my soul is excited as knows the next life will no be fraught with as many complications as this one as I have honoured my souls requests and the family karma, alongside a lot of relationship karma. I know a few things still need to be resolved in this life but I also know that that’s not down to me to resolve, as people have free will and I won’t bend theirs to sort my karmic woes out. Some people need to attend their own funeral to see their errors

Truth of a silken web…

The beauty of always being one choice and one decision away from a completely different life and path cripples someone with a brain, through the magnitude of truth it harbours

For the brain to be able to comprehend this and it’s vast magnitude you have to pause quietly just thinking about how many choices you make in one day. Let me blow or enlighten your mind….

It could be as simple as leaving the house ten minutes earlier or later that saves you from the cradle of death. The train you missed maybe on a one way destination to smash town. The decision to book that flight despite the anxiety and travel to that city for a break, whereby you meet your soul mate/partner.

The choice of book you read that relays a sentence that changes your perspective and changes the way you live your life, and treat those in it. Even something as simple as checking your junk emails as you were bored, can lead to a new job, a successful business venture or rekindles romance. Every choice re-maps your life, and in-turn re-wires your experiences and perspective.

Some choices can be massive, like packing up our lives and moving. Taking a new job in a new city. Others can be as small as sending a email, or message. Some of the changes we make are conscious, knowing you have a problem and need to change, then going to war with yourself every day to reinforce the change. Other decisions we make are subconscious like changing a brand of food because it doesn’t taste as good as it use to, and inadvertently reducing the harmful chemicals we ingest minimising premature cancer cells to mutate.

I like to think of all the simple choices I make as finely stitching themselves into the bigger choices I make and reinforcing my journey. I have been extremely brave (for me) in the last year and a half and through the bravery my life has spun with change. The one thing I know more than anything now through the choices i made is that being unsure of something gets you nowhere. Being unsure of someone pushes you out of their lives. Being cowardly and settling in fear is like death for the soul. If who you are with and what you are doing does not bring with it a peace but fireworks of passion and excitement then you are not living. Your existing with denial as your companion.

I understand doubts and fear and how they can not only hold you back but let you loose the one thing you feared so much. I o fear something and have doubts mean you care about it and know it will impact your life and path. To feel indifferent about something or someone is not to care as the universe knows the impact on your life is minimal and so does your soul.

If you fear something for the Pandora’s box it can open … and the consequences you can’t see or predict – that my darlings is a path that will change your life for the better …. and you know it will as you fear it enough to care about the outcome.

Are you the human in your life or the shadow that hides behind a human form.

I cannot commit …

There’s events that shape us and people who change us. They are the silk thread in our web of destiny. I committed to finishing one of the novels I am writing. Why? Because my photography has always been my release my visual story of my soul. It has provided the imagery for my hurt or anger or depression. It saved me when I couldn’t write. But I have always felt in my soul that I am a writer a poet, a hopeless romantic and two breaths away from always falling in love. It’s true I fall in love all the time. I fall so deeply in love with art, music, people and stories, or ideas. People are the most dangerous to fall in love with. Why? Because we have these ideas and expectations of love and who they are. Then we peel the flesh off their bones and see their soul. And realise they are not for us. Now we should know this anyway because if we just stopped with idealising someone in the first place we could of heard our soul speak ‘I don’t recognise this one’. I have a faith or belief that is shared by many, that souls recognise each other long before the body’s they wear ever meet.

Am I just a hopeless romantic ? No, no I am not. Because I have felt that soul connection. I still do. I always will. It will be the curse that hangs like the moon in the velvetine night. It’s a curse, but it’s a beautiful one, as it hurts. That’s how I know it’s real. They say when you can talk about a painful time in your life that changed you, and you don’t cry is when you have truly healed. I have healed. And nothing remains but that soul tie to that person. I could sort that out…. lessen the impact they have on me. But the truth is I dare not, because it’s what keeps my faith in fate and love.

I had the perfect guy. He was smart and handsome and so kind and funny. He was so honest and loyal and vulnerable with me. He was my saviour in many ways. He taught me what I deserved and how amazing I am. His culture and traditions were beautiful and him and his family welcomed me in. And I was humbled. I could of easily spent the rest of my life with him. He was perfect, but he wasn’t mine. And I, i could never be his, not truly. So do I live a lie and pretend…. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to him, he was too good. He deserved a girl who would connect with him and connect with her the way I had with my karmic lover. To stay with someone sometimes is just cruel, unless they are ‘home’ your soul will forever roam .

To end it was kind. And fuck I will miss him. I will miss him so much. But if I stayed I would of lost myself. And I worked too hard on myself to loose me. Having a long distance relationship most of the time is like being alone, as you spend a lot of time with just yourself, and minimal distractions. Some people who can have long distance relationships are ones without karmic ties or soul connections. Why? Because if you have ever had a soul tie you will know how much your soul yearns to be next to its companion of life’s past …. being away from them is not easy. But without a soul tie you can be without them and not yearn for them, just miss them in your every day life. I decided if I will not be with my soul tie I will not be with anyone. It’s not worth the confusion and disruption to my souls balance.

I can’t commit to a person …. so instead I will commit to myself and my writing. One day soon I’ll be a best selling author ……. because I believe in me. And that’s all someone needs to stop living in denial. Believing in yourself gives you a courage and strength that is of another world. Believing in yourself is listening to your soul…. as it has the map of your fate for this life …

I know this year is a massive year in my life and I refuse to hide from it and shy away. This year is the year where everything comes into my life that I have manifested. I always do a new moon ritual and tonight I commenced mine. You should never say a name during this ritual because of the power it has….. tonight I whispered a name. A name has such power, a person cannot comprehend.

Tonight I released and tonight I requested. Tomorrow I shall be grateful of my blessing and I shall build a empire from the failures at my feet. For I am in this lifetime and only this one matters right now…. the ties to people and the resolve I will perhaps gain in the next. In a karmic relationship both people need to understand the extent of the damage they have previously caused. They need not to ask the other person for forgiveness as humans rarely truly forgive. They need to ask the others soul to forgive. It is only then the weight of the tie can lighten. I have requested soul forgiveness from the karmic soul I am tied too. And I have been granted it, the moment was surreal as for the first time in my life I spoke to a persons soul without them being present. It was something I cannot express in words, and would not of been able to do on my own. I owe my life to my mentor and someone from my soul group. I also have been so privileged to repay a karmic debt to a woman who is so spiritually evolved she is saintly. In working so deeply within yourself you can’t help but then see the world with a second pair of eyes. I can’t commit to another human…. I can only commit to a soul. For the people in my life now are pure divinity, and I have peace and a understanding most mortals couldn’t even believe was plausible.

I have realised and I practice this …

‘ I love them so purely I can let them go. For love is forever transcending and love is and will always be love if you have the strength of purity in love it never leaves us’