I cannot commit …

There’s events that shape us and people who change us. They are the silk thread in our web of destiny. I committed to finishing one of the novels I am writing. Why? Because my photography has always been my release my visual story of my soul. It has provided the imagery for my hurt or anger or depression. It saved me when I couldn’t write. But I have always felt in my soul that I am a writer a poet, a hopeless romantic and two breaths away from always falling in love. It’s true I fall in love all the time. I fall so deeply in love with art, music, people and stories, or ideas. People are the most dangerous to fall in love with. Why? Because we have these ideas and expectations of love and who they are. Then we peel the flesh off their bones and see their soul. And realise they are not for us. Now we should know this anyway because if we just stopped with idealising someone in the first place we could of heard our soul speak ‘I don’t recognise this one’. I have a faith or belief that is shared by many, that souls recognise each other long before the body’s they wear ever meet.

Am I just a hopeless romantic ? No, no I am not. Because I have felt that soul connection. I still do. I always will. It will be the curse that hangs like the moon in the velvetine night. It’s a curse, but it’s a beautiful one, as it hurts. That’s how I know it’s real. They say when you can talk about a painful time in your life that changed you, and you don’t cry is when you have truly healed. I have healed. And nothing remains but that soul tie to that person. I could sort that out…. lessen the impact they have on me. But the truth is I dare not, because it’s what keeps my faith in fate and love.

I had the perfect guy. He was smart and handsome and so kind and funny. He was so honest and loyal and vulnerable with me. He was my saviour in many ways. He taught me what I deserved and how amazing I am. His culture and traditions were beautiful and him and his family welcomed me in. And I was humbled. I could of easily spent the rest of my life with him. He was perfect, but he wasn’t mine. And I, i could never be his, not truly. So do I live a lie and pretend…. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to him, he was too good. He deserved a girl who would connect with him and connect with her the way I had with my karmic lover. To stay with someone sometimes is just cruel, unless they are ‘home’ your soul will forever roam .

To end it was kind. And fuck I will miss him. I will miss him so much. But if I stayed I would of lost myself. And I worked too hard on myself to loose me. Having a long distance relationship most of the time is like being alone, as you spend a lot of time with just yourself, and minimal distractions. Some people who can have long distance relationships are ones without karmic ties or soul connections. Why? Because if you have ever had a soul tie you will know how much your soul yearns to be next to its companion of life’s past …. being away from them is not easy. But without a soul tie you can be without them and not yearn for them, just miss them in your every day life. I decided if I will not be with my soul tie I will not be with anyone. It’s not worth the confusion and disruption to my souls balance.

I can’t commit to a person …. so instead I will commit to myself and my writing. One day soon I’ll be a best selling author ……. because I believe in me. And that’s all someone needs to stop living in denial. Believing in yourself gives you a courage and strength that is of another world. Believing in yourself is listening to your soul…. as it has the map of your fate for this life …

I know this year is a massive year in my life and I refuse to hide from it and shy away. This year is the year where everything comes into my life that I have manifested. I always do a new moon ritual and tonight I commenced mine. You should never say a name during this ritual because of the power it has….. tonight I whispered a name. A name has such power, a person cannot comprehend.

Tonight I released and tonight I requested. Tomorrow I shall be grateful of my blessing and I shall build a empire from the failures at my feet. For I am in this lifetime and only this one matters right now…. the ties to people and the resolve I will perhaps gain in the next. In a karmic relationship both people need to understand the extent of the damage they have previously caused. They need not to ask the other person for forgiveness as humans rarely truly forgive. They need to ask the others soul to forgive. It is only then the weight of the tie can lighten. I have requested soul forgiveness from the karmic soul I am tied too. And I have been granted it, the moment was surreal as for the first time in my life I spoke to a persons soul without them being present. It was something I cannot express in words, and would not of been able to do on my own. I owe my life to my mentor and someone from my soul group. I also have been so privileged to repay a karmic debt to a woman who is so spiritually evolved she is saintly. In working so deeply within yourself you can’t help but then see the world with a second pair of eyes. I can’t commit to another human…. I can only commit to a soul. For the people in my life now are pure divinity, and I have peace and a understanding most mortals couldn’t even believe was plausible.

I have realised and I practice this …

‘ I love them so purely I can let them go. For love is forever transcending and love is and will always be love if you have the strength of purity in love it never leaves us’

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